"Don't Look Back"

When I woke this morning, I never thought a phrase from Lot's wife could have such impacting impressions on my heart. As I prepare to hit the next stretch of support raising at churches and small groups, how odd to be admonished to remember Lot's wife. The unnamed, only mentioned briefly women holds a mighty lesson for my roused heart. "Don't look back," she was told. This phrase, why did it enter my mind? 

This morning I awoke to an other divine gift. Inches of snow covered the ground, and a day of continued rest was just what the Lord knew I needed. Gratitude overwhelms my heart. Yesterday I used my snow day to prepare my presentations, work on some HR and thank you notes, but today was simply a day to enjoy a little extra time. I had two encouraging Skype conversations (both unexpected). 

After each of these Skype conversations, I had some thoughts on my mind I wanted to take to the Lord. I sat down in the guest bedroom thinking this will soon no longer be home. So many other missionaries have expressed that once you move overseas, you now have two homes. I am no newcomer to this either. Though only in Serbia a few months total, I know (though I try to trick my mind otherwise) that Serbia is now a home for me as well as my Kentucky home. There is just something about that place.

The Spirit is home in my heart. He is here, and He is there with me. This is comforting knowing that where ever I may go, the Lord is with me. He has also told me to not look back. I have recently questioned, Lord why have You guided my life in the directions You have? I have a degree in Marketing yet only used it for two years. I had feet that were unusable and full of pain and You remade them. I have parents, friends, my church, my dog, my job, my car, my life that I love; You, Lord, blessed me with these. Why now call me to leave these?

Because He is a sovereign God, and He told me to not look back. He has equipped me as He sees fit. My past has shaped my love for Christ. All those things will no longer be important in the same way. They must take on new roles in my life. My family will still be as dear to me, but in new ways. All that needs to remain is Him. So now, I look forward, and dare not look back. For questioning is doubt, and I serve a faithful Father. 

Only 330 Miles Later

Proverbs 16:32(KJV)He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.

One translation of this reads better to be a patient person than a warrior. I have a bold personality. Quick to take action. Quick to speak. Quick to do. I am a doer. 

As you already know, I drove up to JV orientation in Chicago today. It was a smooth travel up, no traffic or weather delays. I was grateful for those of you praying away the snow storm (and/or rain) with me. It gave me a lot of time to think, to pray, and to ask the Lord to show me what He wanted of me.

Those 330 miles were somewhat painful. Not painful in terms of physically or the journey up. Rather, painful in my thoughts. I felt as if I were wasting time traveling. Like I said before, I like to act, to do, I can't sit still. When I have a day off work, I feel like I must be doing something that is productive or results in something. On the trip up, I wanted to plan my spring out, plan who to call next, what small group to share more about Serbia with, how this week would look. Nothing was in my control. All was out of my hands. Rather than thanking the Lord it was in His hands, that He knew what was ahead and relaxing in that knowledge, I let my mind wrestle with all these thoughts. 

Just as I thought wow look the Lord has given me a WHOLE week off work, to REST, to learn about JV, and to prepare for the future, this verse was read on a radio station. My entire perspective changed. Why have I spent all my life being a warrior? The Lord has already fought the battle. We walk in VICTORY in His victory! 

I must be the most stubborn person when it comes to patience. I waited years in patience for healthy feet to be restored. I am waiting now for the Lord's timing in my departure to Serbia. And today, I waited 330 miles to get to Chicago. If I would just surrender my desire for control and walk in Christ's victory for us, perhaps the Lord wouldn't have to teach me continued lessons in patience. 

I pray for you reading this that you would walk in the Victory.